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Post by Pez on Nov 11, 2008 14:14:27 GMT -6
On this broken chair I sit Weak and old, yet still I writ of words interred from passing times of girls and poems; of things divine
Pencil lead still loops and twirls sketching, here, a darker world in stanzas four, so organized a land is made before thine eyes
See what lies beneath the mask Gold and amber within a flask reveals the shades that sepia tones have carefully hidden for their own
Buggy cars and dusty roads girls as maidens, men as toads in caves we dwelled, our spears we held of simpler times this graphite tells
For life has always been transposed in music, arts, and lovely poems They act as transports, faithful ships Constructed beneath the bored's fingertips
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Post by Aphtyn on Nov 12, 2008 6:53:31 GMT -6
aNice. Only thing I have to say is that the last line might want to be changed to " 'neath " instead of "beneath." Just a thought.
I like it. ^_^
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Post by Pez on Nov 12, 2008 21:07:14 GMT -6
If I were to do that, then the meter gets thrown off for that sentence. Although I agree a different word choice needs to be used.
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